GOD LAUGHS WHEN YOU MAKE PLANS
Updated: Oct 9
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So far 2020 has been a little insane. To those who were heavily affected by the virus or have been experiencing extreme emotional tides of anxiety or depression as our world begins to readjust in its awakening - my heart goes out to you and I am sending you so much warmth. I can only speak from my own experience but life changed for me so quickly I feel like I barely blinked. I flew from New York back home to Australia for what was meant to be a quick trip, with only a few pairs of pants and a few shirts in my suitcase. I landed that day only to find out my return flight to New York was cancelled and my airline was in the process of going into liquidation. So I checked myself into two weeks of isolated quarantine in someones backyard and for the first time in what seemed so long - I found some silence and was given the opportunity to really listen.
A lot of you wrote in curious about my sudden move from New York to now living in a small town by the beach here in Australia. Living my best blue crush life was always a daydream I often reveled in but as things were moving along in New York - having a job I loved, living in my dream little apartment surrounded by the most beautiful community and friends - it was a daydream that always remained a daydream as it continuously got drowned out by the life that happened around me.
I have always believed everything has it's divine timing and looking back I should have never worried. If it’s meant to be for you, it won’t go by you and those things you really desire will just keep whispering til one day they become screams. There's never any need to be worried or be confused - if you feel something but also feel like it’s not the time for you then it may not be the right time for you. So maybe you'll just plant a seed of desire and see - if it's for you, you'll find yourself watering it over time without even noticing.
I had a dream one night during quarantine that I lived by the ocean with my dear friend and sister Gracie and she had had the same dream weeks prior. It was on my mind a lot but I was still so hesitant and so resistant - my ego was gripping to everything I had and the safety it had found in the life that was already so predictable. A couple of days later my father offered me his car that he is now unable to drive and a friends family studio landed in my lap. I started to really listen and look. Two weeks later, I had all my belongings in New York shipped back to me and I moved into a beautiful sunlit studio by the beach.
We have so much fear and resistance when it comes to change and I realized our minds and our bodies get sooo comfortable with where it’s been and where it is. And whether that be a situation that is working out for you or not, to our body and it's felt memory those places become home and homes that we feel afraid to move out of. We love predictability but we don’t necessarily grow in it. I once said in a podcast that I feel a lot of us live our lives thinking that what we have and what we settle for is the best we’re ever going to get. Whether that be jobs that don’t serve us, relationships that don’t hold us, environments that don’t nourish us - and that's why we stay. Because to our unconscious and hurt selves, we really believe we don’t deserve better or that better isn’t out there, and that’s a perfect example of how our thoughts really do create our realities. We live from a place of lack and fear and rarely from a place of understanding that everything in this world exists for you and your taking if you want it.
I did a lot of work as to why I felt so resistant to move and I realized it was because I really believed for a moment that what I currently had was the best my life was ever going to give me and I didn’t deserve any more - more than the job I had, the salary I was earning, the communities I got to participate in or the relationships I was fostering. I was scared to listen and move because I felt like I couldn’t luck out twice or fathom the possibility of lucking out with more.
Sometimes things can be working out so amazingly for you on the surface level but the body never lies. A teacher of mine once said - negative emotions are simply a signpost from your body telling you you're walking the wrong way. She always says you don’t have to give those feelings so much power - just simply use it like a compass to let you know that you're out of alignment with where you want to be. I share this with you because I think a lot of my friends and people who have reached out are wondering about some sort of change or move in their lives. It seems to be the time where there is a huge cosmic shift that is taking place and it has finally been able to offer us some space and silence to do some self enquiry and ask ourselves some hard hitting questions. Am I happy? Am I thriving here? Do I want more than this or want something different? Then your limiting beliefs will take space - I won’t be able to do it, I won’t be happy, it won’t work out, I’ll never be able to have that - but ask yourself, who’s telling you those things and why would you already decide that fate for yourself? That's an ultimate disservice to your existence.
Whether this is the right time for those things to be heard or not - big shifts are terrifying. I still have days where I feel terrified as to whether things will work out for me with the choices I’ve made but I have to really believe that I’m here because I’m here and if it turns out that you made a bad choice and you have to sit in shit - just sit in it and soon enough the world will catch you wherever you fall and for me, I have chosen to fall here.
Which goes into my offering to you - something that has really helped me in times of extreme uncertainty - a special guided meditation from me to you to maybe help you feel a little more grounded, less anxious and and offer you a little faith when you don’t know where to go.
Please use headphones for optimal audio. This audio must not be listened while driving or operating heavy machinery.
Stay safe and healthy. Sending love,
Angel & Hello! Sun x